March 31, 2012
I love you so much. You really have changed my life forever. You've changed me. You've changed my wife. You changed our marriage. You change my perspective. You changed our family. You.
You are daddy's girl. I knew almost from the beginning that you are a little princess (your mother will tell you this is true). I believe this is a sign of the very strong bond that you and I have - and will continue to form. The first months of the pregnancy went pretty quick. I am so busy with work and school that your arrival seemed far off in the future. The month of March, everything began to change. All of a sudden, I had the strongest urge to meet you. I couldn’t wait! And your mother - bless her heart- wasn't showing any signs of labor. I kept saying, "you know sweetheart, Thursday morning would be absolutely perfect".
The days crawled by. On Wednesday, your mother and I had an appointment at 3:40. I had a meeting that went from 2:30-3:30 in Tempe - a solid 40+ minutes depending on traffic to Avondale. Finally about 3:10, I interrupted the meeting and said, "I apologize, I need to end this meeting early. My wife is due on Friday and has an appt today that I need to be in." With that, I practically ran from the building. I will always put you and family first. I was late to the appointment but didn't miss much. I met your mother in her room after all the preliminary work had been done and just as they were about to start the ultrasound. Sure enough, the doctor said that the fluid was low and that we had to get you over to the hospital immediately. We were having a baby! How excited I was! And sadly, how unprepared! We convinced the doctor that we needed to go home first. We raced home, grabbed the essentials, dropped Sabaka off at the Browns, and raced to the hospital (safely).
The next few hours were a blur. We checked in at 5 (I was VERY hungry). Check in and set up seemed to take forever but finally around 7 we ordered some dinner. At 8, the inducement began. We spent the first bit of time walking the halls. The next bit, I was comforting your mother as she suffered through some pretty frequent and severe contractions. The hours continued, as did the walks and the contractions. I was getting tired but I tried my best to comfort your mother in anyway that I could. Finally about 1:30 am, she had had enough and the doctor came to give her the epidural. What sweet relief! Almost immediately, we both feel into a light sleep - our thoughts constantly about you. I had so many unanswered questions.
Morning kind of felt like I was hung over. Actually, I've never been hung over but that's what I would imagine it felt like. We were told that it might be the rest of the day before we got to meet you, but you (like your mother) like to do things your way.... trust me, that sass is genetic and it comes from your mother. At 9:00, the nurse came in to check on your mother and to everyone's surprise, you were almost here! We could see your head! The doctor rushed over from another hospital and at 9:32 - after a fairly easy labor - I laid eyes on you for the first time. Just like your mother, you were so beautiful. I was immediately caught up in emotions. Just remembering this moment, brings tears to my eyes. My sweet beautiful Adelaide. My lovely Laila. My daughter. The doctors and nurses probably thought I was in the way, but I immediately wanted to get as close to you as I could. I cut the cord and I touched you for the first time. You have the softest skin. How could I love somebody so much? Someone I had just met. When the nurse gave you two shots - one in each thigh - I about died as I watched your face morph into a horrified frown. I knew right then and there, I couldn't ever let anything bad ever happen to you. I promise you now, that is my new goal in life. I will protect you - always.
The first few hours were blissful. Your family was so excited - Aunts, Grandmas, Grandpas, Uncles, Cousins, etc. Everybody wanted me to send them information and pictures. I'll admit that I wanted to share the news with the world - I had truly been given a gift from God. You slept most of the day. I wish I could say the same for the night ;) You almost made me think that this was going to be easy. Honestly, all the qualms that I thought I would have - disappeared. I didn't even mind changing your diaper! I had never been much of a "baby" person, but with you, that all changed. There wasn't anything I wouldn't do for you. I felt like I could hold you all day. I just kept kissing you and telling you how much I love you. The big difference between me and your mother is that she has always been a baby person. She loves children and I am so excited that she finally has one of her own. You are incredibly lucky to have such a mother. she is one of the most thoughtful, caring, selfless people that I have ever met. After 2 days of motherhood - she never ceases to amaze me with how much of a professional she is. Sometimes I don't think anybody can possibly love you as much as I do. But she does. There is so much love in this family right now, how can I not cry? The feelings I have for you and for her are completely....overwhelming. I love our little family. I've tried to live a good life but I do not know what I did to deserve these blessings. I am forever grateful to my Heavenly Father. Last night as you laid cooing in your basinet, your mother and I embraced in a hug and we shed a couple of tears of joy. Laila, I hope you never doubt the love I have for you. Furthermore, know that your mother - is the love of my life.
Laila, It's been 47 hours and 3 minutes since you've been born. I am very tired. I am completely overwhelmed. I am indescribably happy. The nurse is in the room right now checking your vitals. She's a sweet lady and she's trying to make conversation. But I have to avoid eye contact so she doesn't see the tears in my eyes. I hope you don’t think your dad is a wuss. He thinks of his self as a strong man. But it's amazing how, this little 7 lb 4 oz baby has me wrapped around her tiny little finger.
I love you forever.